by Angela McCrimmon
Angela wrote this poem about how she feels about coming out of lockdown as so many people have said to her that they are feeling the same way but didn’t want to admit it.
So many people can’t wait to come out of lockdown and get back to “normal” life but for so many others this thought is utterly terrifying. In lockdown Angela was able to create a world within the world where she could eliminate a lot of her anxiety triggers and to realise that she was going to have to force herself to engage and interact with what terrifies her and fills her full of dread.
We’re following this roadmap with excitement in the air,
A year of being locked down and we’re so very nearly there,
People ask if I’m happy, assume I’m so relieved,
The truth is I’m terrified and I don’t want to leave.
For me the last 12 months have brought a lot of peace,
Compared to “normal” life my anxiety decreased,
I haven’t had to cope with getting out the door,
On days when staying at home would help me so much more.
I wake up with deep dread knowing the end is near,
I turn off the news because it’s fuelling all my fear,
Please don’t misunderstand me, please don’t get me wrong,
I want the world to be safe, I want the virus gone.
It’s just that in that safety my own comfort will dispel,
I’ll be forced to face “reality” and I don’t do that well,
While many have felt lonely and so isolated too,
Me?….I’ve felt an inner peace the whole way through.
I’d created a world within the world that really worked for me,
I thrived in many ways that were evident to see,
Now I feel such panic and the reality of my fears,
Is driving me back to my bed each day in floods of tears.
So while the world starts to turn and for those who cannot wait,
Show some compassion for those who hesitate,
Mental health is complex and we all have a story to tell,
But for me coming OUT of lockdown is proving to be my hell.
If you’re struggling with anxiety as the restrictions start to ease then this blog here offers some tips and advice to help you manage. If you need further help please contact our helpline on 03444 775774 or email/text us for more support.