I see you, you are not alone

I see you and you are not alone. I hear you and I understand.

 

So, I am a 62-year-old woman, with a pretty special hubby, I am a proud mum to a beautiful daughter, a great son in law and I am a grandma to 2 funny and amazing kids. (No bias here of course ☺️). But one of the biggest things about me is that I suffer from horrendous and often debilitating anxiety. The last few years have been challenging. On a practical front – hubby and I live with an elderly relative and have another in a care home that has a few health conditions. Then from an emotional front I have several health issues mainly around my heart so let’s just say most days I ride a rollercoaster of emotions and logistics.

One of my friends recently said I should write a book and when I mentioned this to one of the cardiology nurses, she said she had the perfect title – I should simply call it “ It’s complex!

Now, am not sure I have a book in me, but I do find keeping a journal helps me in dealing with the stigma and sense of taboo around having a long-term mental illness that does not have a one solution fits all answer that will make it all go away. It has helped me realise that “it’s complex” could describe any of us who suffer with some form of anxiety.

There will be those out there who may brush off and trivialise what I am saying. But for those who do suffer there may be some who won’t talk about it because they are scared it might make them look weak, or just simply because acknowledging it might open the biggest can of worms and that’s just too scary. Now everyone feels anxious at times, it’s natural but there are thousands of us out there who have their own (albeit different) “complex” lives that pushes those fearful and jittery feelings into a whole new level of anxiety. One that rules your life. The aim of this blog is to say “hello, I see you and you are not alone. Many of us experience a relentless sense of worry and anxiety that can be profoundly draining. My hope is simply to maybe offer a source of comfort, where you can engage in reading without the pressure of comment.  I am also hoping to just maybe (even if it is only for a few minutes or seconds) make the sun peak through the clouds by sharing a little story about me that happened last week.

I love walking and it is a huge thing for me from both a physical and mental point of view. Now this is coming from someone who up until a couple of years ago was “allergic” to exercise 😆. I have come on a lot from when I first started and couldn’t get 100 yards without feeling like I needed an oxygen tank and needing to sit down to walking 3-4 miles every single day, whatever the weather. Unfortunately, I am also someone who can trip up over thin air and have managed to have a couple of nasty falls resulting in broken bones. Because of this, because I have had some major surgeries, because I take Warfarin and because my lovely hubby won’t let me go out on my own now, I recently decided to get a treadmill. It is amazing, wow, I love it. I can put on a video (I know, showing my age 😆) and get lost in my walking. Fast forward to the other day when I managed to fall (luckily on my bottom – plenty of padding) but this wasn’t from walking on the treadmill, oh no, my husband had moved it slightly to get into a cupboard and because I was rushing and not paying attention I caught my foot on the side of the treadmill and down I went!! At first, I was so upset with myself for being a klutz but once I was sat down (this time in a comfy chair 😄) with a nice cup of tea, I couldn’t help but start laughing at myself. My hubby says he is going to wrap me in bubble wrap in the future 😂. We do actually have a roll of it so think I might have to hide it 😆. (I did catch him looking online at those blow-up sumo wrestler costumes🫣 – I kid you not ☺️). I suppose the point I am making in this post is that life is full of these ups and downs (in this case quite literally) and though they will be different for all of us if we can find a way to smile – even just for a moment it can make such a difference.

Life is far from easy for many of us, I know as I struggle every single day. It doesn’t matter if you are single, in a relationship or surrounded by a whole group of friends, those “why me” moments can be so profound. We can still feel so alone and feel our voices are not heard. I want this blog to say – I hear you and I understand 😊.

Anonymous